Dominatrix Dreams

My sex life isn’t something that I’ve talked a lot about in fear of having some poor child stumble across it and read ¬†it. But what I’ve realized is that if children want to read things about sex, they will … Continue reading

New Plan

So recently I have suffered a really big loss, slipped into depression and have decided to pull myself out and start a new! That includes writing every day like I have always wanted!! I guess that’s all I’ve wanted to say ūüôā Soo

My Dirty Little Secret

I’ve tried to write this as many different ways as I could. But no matter how I wrote it I couldnt find out what was would be less painful. So I guess I am just going to come out and say it and why it is relevant.

When I was little my father molested me.

I will not go into details here because I feel like it would be too soon. As I grow more comfortable with all of my current flash back I will write to get some things off of my mind but right now I think all it would do is damage me much more than I already am.

Rat Treat: Peanut Butter Banana Oatmeal cookies

What you will need:

1/4 cup creamy peanut butter

1 banana

1/4 cup uncooked oats

1/4 cup whole wheat flower

1 teaspoon cinnamon 

 

Instructions 

1. Mix peanut butter and banana until creamy

2. Mix in oats and cinnamon

3. Add flower until you can form into a tight ball

4. Place on a ungreased pan

5. Bake on 450 for 7-10 minutes or until a golden brown

Fights Fights Fights

Before you read any of this keep in mind: Up until this relationship I have never faught in a relationship. I was far too scared and just didnt do it. Now with that out of the way I will say that me and my current boyfriend are now fighting atleast once a week for the last three weeks. It’s horrible and I’m about tired of feeling like I’m the problem. It;s a real shame too; I love Flavio but I hate fighting. Before we dated we were like best friends who NEVER faught and up until now we havent. So I guess I’ll go into a little brief history of our fights.

Round one: FIGHT!
The first fight we had deserves it own little blog post if I’m being completely honest, but I will try and wrap it up here. For reasons I will talk about later, marijuana smoke makes me very anxious and¬†causes a great fear in me. For the longest time I tried it for the sake of Flavio but my fear got worse and I requested him to stop. He then relied to that he would NOT stop even though it freaked me out because he did not understand it and said that I was wrecking our relationship. He won that round.¬†

Round two: FIGHT!
This one was also about marijuana smoke and was started by him. He was still frustrated about my proposal. So he called me at 9 o’clock to tell me that he didn’t feel comfortable telling me in person so I toted myself over to his house at 10 o’clock in nothing but sweats, a crop top and flip flops. We sat out in my car and talked for about three hours and it ended up with me crying telling him that he had to stop smoking or I would break up with him. He got very upset with me and I think he started to cry himself (but at the time I didn’t care at all) I won that round.

Round three: FINNISH HER!
Another unknown fact about me is that I have multiple personalities. I have three; Richard, Rose, and Rickie. Rickie is known to be a loose woman but she;s never done anything in my body, although she does love to talk about boys. Keep in mind, when they are in control I have no idea whats going on. With that being said Flavio and Rickie are texting about one of my ex’s (whom I am still very good friends with) and Rickie throws out the word hot. Flavio proceeds to get pissed at her so somehow I come back and then for reasons I didn’t know at that time he is pissed off and refuse to talk to me. After reading the conversation I understood what was going on but I have no idea why he is mad at me. I could see where he would be jealous (he get very jealous) but he is very aware that I have no control over what is being said and that I do not remember these things when I come back. It’s very depressing really. So he wins this round with a very successful K.O.

There have also been other problems with us recently that have been going on longer than three weeks. Those being that Flavio gets very jealous very easily. He gets upset if I hang out with boys after dark and he has a certain pet peeve with me talking to my best friend Adonis. Now this is a big issue because almost all of my friends are male (which seems to bother him) and Adonis gets off at night so that’s the only time we can hang out. Flavio gets so jealous in fact that he refuses to talk to me for at least four or 5 hours after the situation has occurred and sometimes he doesn’t until the very next day. Dear readers I’m not vey sure where this will land me.

WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT

So if you guys follow my blog you know that I am going to Comic con this weekend. The first day was amazing! Not a lot of people were there but it was fun anyways and I bought Cards Against Humanity (which I recommend to buy if you are the age 17+) (Im sorry it says it on the box haha)
So when me and my boyfriend got back hom we had a conversation that looks a little something like this:

Him: We should organize a threesome.
Me A threesome threesome?
Him: Yea! A threesome theesome.
Me: *pulls out laptop*

Him: What are you doing?
Me: Organizing a threesome *sends best friend a message*
Him: OH MY GOD I WAS JOKING
Me: …oops…

So as you can tell I need to learn when my boyfriend is joking (with him it can be a little hard)
Before I go on I would just like to take a moment and explain myself. You guys already know my past sex history (it was a little sketchy at a time) 
A few more things about my sex life:
1. I have never been with a girl
2. The current guy I’m with is who I lost my virginity too
3. I am very open with my sexuality and don’t see anything wrong with sex. (Although I am very selective with who I sleep with)

With that I shall carry on.
My friend messaged back very enthusiastically and said that she thought the idea would be really fun. We organized a sleep over and threesome to happen today after con hours. 

I am, though, a bit nervous. Not that it will make things weird or that my boyfriend might be attracted to her but to the fact I have NO idea what I’m doing. I dont want to get too graffic here but I dont even know the female anatomy. Partly because I always skipped sex ed class because sex scared me at a point in my life and because I’ve never masturbated or been with another girl (I know I’m really excited lol)¬†

So I guess if you have any tips for me leave them in the comments but other than that have a wonderful day and I hope all of you are safe and sound! Bye!!

My Plans For This Week

Tuesday: I have my second interview! Its from McDonald’s! I don’t have much to say about it but wish me luck!

Wednesday: If McDonald’s likes me then my second interview will be on Wednesday.

Thursday: When I was in ROTC my first year I met the most wonderful girl. (though she prefers to be called a boy) Her name is Ali and while she was in my town she became one of my best friends I’ve ever had. She sadly moved away back to Florida but she is coming back in town on Thursday! I cant wait to see her; I have missed her very much!

Friday-Saturday: Me and my boyfriend will be attending my local COMIC CON!!!! I wont be able to dress up for this one but I will have many pictures if you guys would like to see a few!

Why I can’t sleep

So since I already told you all about Anthonnie I guess I can cut to the chase and say I’ve been thinking about him all day. It first started this morning when I went for my morning stroll. Anthonnie lives on the street next to me so there’s no avoiding his house. But he is almost never out so I assumed I wouldn’t worry about it. This particular morning I must have left a bit early or something because when I walked down the street to get to my local gas station there he was. He stood on the corner of the street next to mine.¬†

He stared at his phone in contemplation looking baffled then he angrily shoved it in his pocket. I couldn’t help but to just look and think, “Why are you so mad?”¬†

I somewhat got lost in my thoughts and before I could move he looked up and met my eyes. His stern face turned childlike and his angry eyes turned innocent. It felt like forever (although it was most likely only a few seconds). Then I looked away and I walked past him to get to my destination. As I walked past my heart froze and everything whined to a slow drag. 

Thus started the haunting of my thoughts. I couldn’t shake him and every time I tried to change the subject in my mind the only thing that happened was that he would come back even harder. I hate to admit this but I think I’m still in love. It took me a long time to get over my ex Jordan but there was no healing time with Anthonnie. Everything went downhill so fast and I hardly had any time to catch my breath. It felt as though he tied stones around my legs and dumped me into a lake. As I plummeted down I could see his image looking at me, fading out, and then quickly turning away.¬†

I love Anthonnie. There is no doubt about that but the question is, am I still? I have a wonderful boyfriend now and I wouldnt hurt or leave him for the world and this is why everything has me so baffled. Everything is running through my mind. The first time we hung out, the first time we met, our first kiss. Everything keeps replaying and I’ve tried everything to get it out. The memories are driving me mad and I dont trust anyone to talk to about it. I wish I was more trusting and maybe one day I will but for now I dont have anyone I can go to about this.¬†

Aside from all that drama I do have some good news. I have a job interview tomorrow that I am very excited about! I believe this is another reason why I cannot sleep. I have a good feeling about this one but the natural worrier inside of me has me thinking all the worst what if situations. I really hope I don’t mess this up for myself. ^^

A Furry Little Surprise

“What are you looking for?” The small woman asked with her hands crossed happily. “Ferrets!” My mom said excitedly. I felt my face flush nervously as the small woman smiled more excited than my mother, clapped her hands together and … Continue reading